Now that I've had some time to breath from my negative experience on saturday I can discuss what I was mostly upset about, in a less angry way. What I really don't understand is why the rude lady, we'll call her Deb for the heck of it, was so negative to begin with. I realize and regret that a mojority of teen moms are sterotyped as being bad, unfit, uncaring, unprepared, selfish, (the list goes on), parents, and I hate it. Call me crazy but this feels nothing short of racism to me, assuming I'm a bad parent because of my age doesn't seem much different to me than assuming a black person is in a gang.
A great mommy blogger BT Stars was told while pregnant by another rude lady that she was disgusted in her "flaunting" her "situation" when really she was just pregnant and in no way flaunting anything. What I want to know is why do women do this to begin with? What are their motives? What do they hope to acomplish with their rude remarks and snide glares? I mean really, what good can come of it?
Thats what makes ME really upset, is that its totally unnessacary. I can understand why they wouldn't agree with it, as some people have very strong moral beliefs, and I respect that, I really do, but I may not have the same beliefs as you or the next person and one of my beliefs is that "to each his own". Let me live my life the way I want to, and you can live your life the way you want to. We don't need to agree with lifestyles or choices, and that's okay. Whats not okay with me though is making someone feel less of themselves for making choices or leading a life that you consider "bad" because of your beliefs. I realize my situation is not "ideal" in any way and I am also a big believer that waiting to have children is a better option but you can't change fate and I was just ment to have my daughter young.
That does not make me a bad person, or a bad mom. That does not make me some trailor trash low life who will live off the government for the rest of my life. Contrary to what "Deb" and other women like her may believe, it has made me a stronger and better and more well-rounded person. I actually care a great deal about school now and attend daily on time and do homework and I give it 110%, something I never could have seen me doing before. I was going down a road I shouldn't have and my daughter set me straight and I am so much happier because of it.
I can understand why someone wouldn't agree with the life I live, but why make me feel worse for it? Why on Earth would anyone want to bring me down for taking responsiblity for my actions? In my opinion it is a much better route than abortion and I felt and still feel mature and responsible enough for the task of parenting even though you may not agree. What good can come of such a negative attitude? The answer is none, so please any "Deb's" reading this, stop with the harsh judgements and negativity. You just add more stress and sadness and its not okay to do that to anyone regardless of your beliefs. If you don't agree with it, thats okay, but you can still be kind and nice and still not agree with it. You can tell me I have a cute baby, and you can compliment her wardrobe, and even offer advice like "They grow up so quickly". By doing so, you'll feel like a better person because of it, and I will walk away in a better mood than I did before our encounter, and guess what, you still don't agree, but atleast some good came of it.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
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4 comments:
I'm new to your blog, but I agree 110%. I'm not quite as young as you, but I'm still a young mom and an unmarried one. It's not ideal, but it's my life and I'm happy and if someone doesn't agree that's fine, but they don't have to make anyone feel bad about it. Anyway just wanted to let you know that I'm with you on this one!
Yeah, I am from a teeny, tiny town and everyone is shocked that I am not married. I am 22 years old, but I had one person tell me that I looked 16. It REALLY annoys me that people think someone isn't a good mom just because of their age. It makes me want to scream! When I was pregnant, it seemed like I just evoked this anger out of everybody.
Plus, I've been thinking about that person who was mean to Ellie...if she did that in front of her kid-what is that teaching him? She's the one who is a bad mother.
Totally agree. Leave judgment at the door whether it's regarding age, sex, race, religion, disability, ancestry etc.
Oh and despite being 32 and married people regularly mistake me for a nanny because I look young, and I get the occasional judgmental look for it. Ridiculous. But I definitely know where you're coming from and think that you expressed yourself very articulately.
I have the same problems. I am 20(but look much younger) and have a 1 year old daughter. People are always coming up to me and asking if I am the nanny and when I say no they are extremly nasty. I think that we single mothers are all wonderful strong people. We chose to have the baby and in my opinion thst is the right thing to do, although many ugly people tell me otherwise. We are much stronger than those people who put us down. I think having my daughter was the best thing that could happen to me. I used to party all the time and not care about school. Now I am focused and doing really well. I am a much better person than I would have ever been without my daughter. So all those haters can just go be mad people somewhere else. They can never take away the happiness I have.
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