Beauty and the Beast

I don't know if anyone reads my blog on a regular basis but if you do, I'm sorry its been so long since my last post I'll try to post more frequently from now on. I don't even have an excuse for not posting lately, things haven't been any more havoc than usual.

Tonight I went to "Beauty and the Beast" put on by my schools musical theatre class. I tried to bring Telesa but I think shes to young for plays, because it really scared her. She was totally fine out in the halls but as soon as i brought her in the dark loud room full of people she would start fussing, and I can't say I blame her. I called my mom, and it was Grandma to the rescue. She picked Telesa up for me to watch until the show was over, at least, that was the plan. I got a call during intermission, she was crying and was inconsolable. By the time I got home my poor baby cried herself to sleep. For the record, I'm an attachment style parent and for my daughter that is not okay. Needless to say when I seen her sleeping yet clearly distraught I felt absolutely terrible. I felt really bad, like a really selfish bad mom.

Then I felt bad for Huy who I had to leave behind at the play so I could attend to my daughter. Thankfully hes a really understanding guy, and I respect him that much more for it. Its just really hard sometimes, because every time I try to have somewhat of a life this happens. I really need to start getting more time to myself for just me. I feel really selfish saying that, but I think I'm slowly losing myself right now. I'm becoming less "Ellie" and more "mom" everyday and I'm afraid one day I won't recognize myself. I'm having a hard time describing this feeling, but its like I am so wrapped up in taking care of Telesa its hard to find time to take care of me. I didn't really know who I was exactly before I was pregnant and now I'm even more confused. What I do know though is that I'm a very strong and determined person, who loves her daughter to the moon and back.

She hates crawling, but loves rolling.

DON'T Call Me a MILF Please

I would much rather someone tell me I'm a good mom than tell me I'm "hot". It's not hard to be pretty, but being a good mom takes a lot of effort and work. Is it just me or is the MILF thing getting old? I always take it as "Mom I'd Like to Facebook". I really hope guys don't consider that a compliment, same with "Yummy Mommy". I guess one of the downfalls of being a young mom is I'm a hot mom, or *shudder* "MILF". I don't know why but I'm almost insulted by the term. I prefer "beautiful" or something like that. But my best and favourite compliment is always about my parenting skills, or about Telesa. Basically any compliment surrounding Telesa makes me happy :)

Aww shes so cute shes starting to sleep on her side and she looks so sweet right now. I wish you could see adorable she looks right now. Not that she doesn't every second of every day, but especially right now :)

Trips to Emerg., Delicious Dinner, and My First Mothers Day

What a hectic weekend! I had to take Telesa to the hospital on Friday! It was so scary! She vomited EVERYTHING in her stomach, and about 15 minutes later she started dry heaving and puked up this mucusy stuff. She kept doing it and had diarrhea. She dry heaved another 5 times in the period of two hours and afterward she was so tired she couldn't hold her head up and kept falling asleep. I took her to the Alder medical walk-in but the lady said it'd be about an hour wait and to go to the superstore walk-in. Big mistake. When I went there, this RUDE receptionist tried to tell me she wasn't covered by MSP or something. I tried to tell her she was full status and she does have coverage but she said unless I could fork up $63 before I see the doctor I need to leave. I felt so low at that moment, like one of the poor people in that documentary "Sicko" where people couldn't afford health insurance where greedy hospitals turn down even the sickest people.

I was furious but didn't have the money so I went to the ER because they can't turn you down there and I needed to make sure she was okay. She was fine once we got to the hospital, as it always is, but I was happy she was finally herself. When I went to get a new blue card for her at the front desk, the lady confirmed she was in fact medically covered and there was no reason the superstore walk-in should have turned me down. I officially hate them now. I got to the ER a little after 4, and didn't see the doctor until after 7. I was so not impressed. I was however impressed with how good Telesa was waiting, even not considering the circumstances. It wasn't until 7 ish (close to her bed time) that she got really fussy and cried a lot. I walked around the nurses station with her while she was crying, let Telesa tell them to hurry it up already. She was fine when the doctor seen her and didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know. I pretty much wasted my time there but it was important just to rule out anything serious. He wasn't able to tell me what was wrong with her but I suspect she had a stomach flu because she had the exact same symptoms I did when I had the stomach flu a couple months ago. Poor baby girl!

I went for a Mothers day dinner with the other young moms on Saturday, it was lots of fun. We went to Kotos, a delicious Japanese restaurant. Then today I had a really awesome first mothers day! It was really exciting :) I got the spray on tan I wanted! Well, a certificate for one, I'll be making an appointment tomorrow. I went swimming with Brock and Richelle. Telesa had a blast, although she was a little unsure what to think of it in the beginning. I got lots of pictures, but I am now waiting to get them from Brock's camera, so I can't show you them just yet. I also went to the farmers market and went shopping with Brock and got gas. Gas prices really suck.

"I Eat because I am Unhappy, and I'm Unhappy because I Eat"

I am going to lose the last ten pounds before my daughter turns 1. It has been my goal since giving birth to lose all of my "baby fat" before she turns one. I weighed 120 before I was pregnant, and just over 180 a week before delivering. I didn't weigh myself shortly after for fear of what the scale would say but a few weeks after her birth I weighed 155 (this was after losing weight in the first few weeks, I don't want to know what I weighed right after). After that the pounds seemed to fall off for me. In the matter of months I went down to 135 without even dieting or exercising. I thought "at the rate, I might even be skinner than before"! Wrong, I just stopped losing weight and started gaining again, I'll blame it on the nachos. I have been trying so hard these past few months to even just get in the 120's but alas I weigh about 133 now.

My plan: Work it off. I joined the gym today, and will attempt to eat healthy. But I don't eat vegetables, so that will be hard. It wouldn't be the end of the world to me if I never lose the weight, but the thing is, I bought my prom dress a little to small back in Febuary as motivation to lose weight by my prom this June. Crap, that's in what? Six weeks or so and I need to lose about ten pounds to fit it nicely. Worst comes to worst I can suck in and it'll just be extremely tight. I mean who needs to breath, breathing is so last season.

Mothers Month

So I was thinking about it, and I decided mothers deserve more than a day of recognition. So much more, in fact. We should get like a week, or even a whole month. Yeah, and it can be "Mothers Month". Well, we all know how unrealistic that is. We do deserve it though, but I'm happy with the one day. I am really, really excited for my first mothers day this sunday.

It's crazy how fast time goes by, just this time last year I was pregnant and filling my face, scared/excited about becoming a mother. Next year I'll be posting about how this time last year I spent my first mothers day with a little baby but now shes a walking toddler. I'm still in denial though, next year seems so far away right now.

I havn't totally planned everything yet though. So far, I want to sleep in, have breakfast, go to the mothers day swim at the swimming pool, and I havn't decided what else. I have a gift certificate for Moxies (local restaurant) which I might use up on mothers day. I guess one of the sucky parts of being a single mom is I don't really have anyone to buy me a gift "from Telesa". I asked my mom to get me a spray on tan from "Aloha" (local spa) but I don't think thats happening.

What about you other moms? Do you have any fun and exciting plans for mothers day? Let me know, I need some ideas!!

Photo: My cousin Tamara and her "baby"

Happiness 101

"The three grand essentials to happiness in this life are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."

I just seen this quote, and love it. I couldn't agree more! It would explain why I truly feel happy, more happy than I have ever been, despite the hardships. I definitely have something to do, I am so busy between school and Telesa is not even funny but there's never a dull moment. I have something to love, well some ONE to be more specific. If Telesa has taught me one thing it is what true love really is, the kind of love I never knew existed that fills my heart every time I look at her. I also have something to hope for. I have lots to hope for. I want to graduate next year, and then its college after that. I want to get a career started and own my own home and car. I want to meet my prince charming and have lots more babies. I'm so full of hopes, aspirations, and dreams I could burst.

It would also explain why I was so unhappy before. Before I became pregnant my life consisted of working at a fast food joint and doing bad in school. Sure I dated but I've never been in love. I also didn't look into the future that much, I lived my life day-to-day and didn't have big hopes. I honestly think I needed Telesa to turn my life around and get me back on track. I know I had her young for a reason and she is meant to be.

I am so happy now and loving life. I think the glass is half full, and my cup runnith over. I really wish you guys happiness to.